I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard the phrase “you have to love yourself first before you can love others” and wondered exactly how the hell I’m supposed to go against the grain and manifest this thing they call self-love.  I didn’t grow up in the kind of nurturing environment that helps shape young minds into fearless, self-loving empowerment machines. I grew up in the kind of environment where love was abundant, but very conditional at times. I didn’t learn how to conquer the world by trying, failing and discovering, at the end of the day, that I was still a lovable, worthy individual.

Nope.

I learned, instead, that it was “easier” to keep my opinions to myself and to never outwardly acknowledge my accomplishments. I took humble to a whole new extreme. And, it’s about damn time that I work myself out of the self-loathing hole I’ve grown accustomed to living in and give myself a little bit of credit.

So, I took to the interwebs in search of steps towards self-love and I found it really interesting that my search results yielded just as many results on narcissism as they did advice on forgiveness and love.  Ah, society; how I love your mixed signals.  I guess that means the first step to our little ole guide to loving yours truly is to learn to embrace the idea that self-loving is a testament to good and not evil. Amazingly enough, you can allow yourself the chance for happiness and the world won’t collapse around you. *gasp*

I’m not sure one can be taught how to love oneself, but there seems to be a few fundamental first steps that can help you become more open to the idea:

1. Forgiveness.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that forgiving ourselves for pretty much anything, big or small, is a hard thing to do. But, it has to be done if we want to move forward. Give it a try by forgiving yourself for something small and building off of that. What’s the worst that can come from unleashing that burden?

2. Patience. Give yourself time. Personally, I’ve spent a lot of years not liking myself so much. So, it’s pretty safe to assume that unlearning old behaviors is going to take some time. The proverbial clock really isn’t standing there behind you tick-tocking away, so it’s okay to take your time.

3. A Sense of Humor.  Life is just gonna be hard sometimes; you might as well have a laugh.

Do you have the self-love thing down? What advice would you give to someone just starting their journey?