When They Don’t Get Your Art
I recently shared a piece of fiction I wrote with someone very close to me. In the past, I’ve shared class papers and blog posts but this was a first. I was hesitant because this person means a lot to me and I wanted them to get it. It was important to me that they appreciate and enjoy my writing since it’s so dear to me. I wanted their support, not just in a “I support that this is a big deal to you so yay” kind of way but more of a “I support you because I think your work is awesome” kind of way. Why is this person’s opinion so important? Because he’s my husband.
The piece I shared with him is a piece I entered into a writing contest. It had been edited many times and feedback from others had been largely positive. I was rather proud of my work and felt that this was a great opportunity for him to read something I had written.
With so much build-up and pressure, the situation was doomed from the start. I watched as he read it, anxiously following his eyes as they tracked from left to right down the page. Not one smile. Not a chuckle. “It’s good” was his final verdict.
“But, it’s humor. You didn’t laugh.”
“It’s funny,” was his response. “Good job!”
I felt disappointed. Embarrassed. Maybe even a bit angry. Definitely hurt.
And then I remembered that this is my husband. We’ve always had just as many individual interests as we have shared passions and that’s why we’ve always done so well together. When I designed websites, he wrote the code. While I describe ideas, he figures out how to make them work. While I dream, he plans. I’m creative, he’s more realistic. I focus on what-ifs, he sticks to facts. This is in no way a bad thing; it’s a classic case of yin and yang. Our extremes balance each other – they always have, and I have faith that they always will.
So while maybe he isn’t ever going to be the target audience for my work, that isn’t what matters. What matters is that he supports my dreams, just as I support his, even if we don’t fully understand or share the same exact dreams all of the time. He gives me room to pursue the things that matter to me. I don’t really grasp the specifics of his chosen career but that doesn’t mean I don’t support his goals or share in his excitement when he meets one. I certainly don’t share his love of running, but I encourage him to get out there and do it because I know it’s a big deal to him. And though our smaller personal dreams aren’t the same, they work within our larger shared dreams for our life together.
After some reflection, I was able to move beyond feeling hurt and appreciate the support he offers. He doesn’t have to love everything I write. He doesn’t even have to read it. It’s enough that he acknowledges its importance to me and provides me with space to nurture it. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you felt the disappointment of sharing your work with someone important to you and realizing that they don’t get it? How did you deal with it?
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This is just so, so similar to my Engineer and me. I think you came to a really good place emotionally as you worked through it. Of course it hurt at first, but you’re right–he might not be your target audience. And that’s okay. He can still be a cheerleader even if he doesn’t understand the game.
C. Beth recently posted..For Dennis
I really thought I replied to this. Oops! We all need cheerleaders – that’s a really great way of putting it. I have a feeling I’ll need to remind myself frequently of his cheerleading position on this, but that’s okay.
Boy, can I relate. The whole time I was preparing for Writers’ Week (we’re talking about two months from start to finish), I kept updating Dan on my progress. I have another advertiser! This writer volunteered to help! There are OVER 50 ENTRIES in the contest!
You know what he’d always say?
“Cool.”
Talk about crushed. I eventually came to the same place you did, however. He’s not me, and his support is totally enough.
Emily Suess recently posted..Five Dances With Death
“Cool” makes me nuts. It’s absolutely crushing. And, for the record, my husband was no more enthusiastic than Dan about the number of entries in your Writers’ Week contest. Taking a step back helped a lot though, especially once I realized the lack of enthusiasm I probably express for some of the things he tells me about.
Although I don’t have a significant other, I can still relate to the idea of wanting support for the work I put out there. I remember the first time I had ever been paid to write something that was published in print. I was so excited. I came home and showed it to my dad (this was about 5 years ago) and I remember him smiling and being happy for me. I have no clue if he, or anyone else I know, ever read the stuff I wrote. But, I do remember him taking a copy of that article and framing it for me. It meant a lot to me because, on average, I get very little feedback on what I write. Sometimes I feel like that’s just as difficult as getting negative feedback because at least then, you know someone took the time to read it and comment. Silly thought?